His Hand in Marriage

May 23, 2011

I dreamed that my husband was in a horrible accident at work and all that was left of him was his hand.  It was alive though, like Thing from Adams Family.

He was completely obnoxious as a hand.  It had only been one day and I was sure I wouldn’t be able to handle this for long. When I cooked, he’d keep sticking his fingers in the food.  When I went shopping, he perched on my shoulder and randomly stuck his finger in my ear to make me jump.  At home, he’d jump out of no where and scare the crap out of me.

It was quickly growing old.  I was contemplating divorcing my husband but wasn’t sure if you could divorce just the hand of your spouse.

Finally the day came to an end and I tried to go to sleep.  It was hard to sleep though because my husband kept jumping around the bed and tickling me through the covers.

I wondered if stabbing a hand to death would carry the death penalty.



Curtain Call

March 8, 2011

I Hate You Now.

March 10, 2009

He was behind me.  I could feel it.

I turned around and he was huddled in the corner.  He was clinging to a burnt baby doll.  It’s hair was short and clumped into little round balls of melted acrylic.  The boy’s deep black sockets stared into me.  He held the doll out to me, and his skin was so blue it seemed to melt into the charred skin of the doll.

“Why didn’t you save me?  I hate you now.”

I could feel my skin crawl and my chest felt like it was going to explode.  I couldn’t breath.

He took a step towards me.  I blinked and then he was gone.

I breathed in.  I felt relieved.  I felt his hand curl around my neck from behind.


I Always Paid On Time

December 19, 2008

I had a nightmare that my credit score was 500.


We were out for Halloween, though only my one friend had a costume, and it was a ridiculous pair of super tight shorts from the 70’s, and nothing else.  He was obsessed with not getting them dirty, so every time we came across even a minor obstacle, he would insist on stripping naked and cradling his shorts in his arms until we had passed the hazard.  After a while, we all realized that he was making this shit up, and pretty much just wanted to show everyone his junk.  Finally, we had to retrieve something for my other friend from a hole in the wall of a building, and naked boy INSISTED that he be the one to go get it.  We argued about it, but he inevitably pulled his shorts off and started digging in the wall.  I finally got pissed and picked up a handful of tiny rocks and threw them all at his taint.


Do It Yourself Monsters

April 25, 2008

I dreamt the boys at school teased me for not being pretty enough. I was so mad. I wanted to turn invisible so I could follow them and watch what they do while they are alone. I wanted to know their secrets–I wanted to tell them. I wanted people to laugh. I concentrated on being invisible and created this ghost/creature type thing that could sneak in on them. I saw one of the boys in his room. His dog was looking under the bed. I decided I really didn’t want to know what was there.