Where’s my beating stick?

January 31, 2013











January 15, 2013


Going Home

October 26, 2011

I often dream of returning to my childhood home.

In my dreams, nothing has changed since the moment I left, and for two decades, no one has set foot inside.

No one but my dog, who has been waiting twenty years to be taken for a walk.



Good Night Monkey

June 20, 2011

I’m in my parents house and I’m getting ready to go to sleep.  I realize there’s a light on in the basement so I go down to shut it off.  I see that in the back room there’s what appears to be a dead monkey laying on a table.  It’s weird, but I assume that this monkey is my dad’s helper for when he’s doing home improvement projects.  Anyway, I don’t really want to be bothered with a dead monkey, but then it starts to move.  So now the monkey is awake but I want to go to bed, so I try to just close him in the basement til morning, but he opens the door and starts to run amok in the house. It gets hazy from there, but shenanigans ensue.


While You Were Out

December 18, 2010

I’m walking a dog, my dog I suppose, through my neighborhood. While we’re out the zombie uprising begins. There’s some kind of scuffle at a neighbors house but we break free. We go around the corner of the subdivision and instead of houses there’s some kind of marketplace there. There are cops and a mob of people who are all going crazy. I try to run away down this alley, but a car comes mowing down it and hits my dog who then dies.

A Speck on the Ceiling

December 16, 2010

I lie in bed unable to move. I frantically scan the room but it’s hard to see much because my head remains planted in place. My skin breaks into gooseflesh and my gut muscles clinch. I’m trying not to hyperventilate. I want to throw the covers over my head but my damn arms will not move. I lie there while the silence envelops me. It seems that hours have passed while I stare at the ceiling and will my body to move. Nothing much happens.

Sometime during my internal fight, I notice a dark speck on the ceiling. I think it’s a fly but it starts to grow larger. I close my eyes and squint as hard as I can. If I don’t look, it doesn’t exist, right? I open my eyes and a spider the size of a bowling ball drops from the ceiling onto my face.

I wake up screaming and flailing. I can still feel the burn of its fangs sinking into my cheeks.


I was in a warehouse and saw before me a menacing raptor. For some reason, I thought raptors were afraid of cold, so I walked into a room full of ice. The raptor approached me, unafraid, and moved it’s head in closely grimacing with a full set of sharp teeth. I ducked. It moved in again, and to my surprise, instead of biting my head off, it kissed me. Then we fell to the floor and I started having sex with it. But at this point, it wasn’t a raptor, it had transformed into a naked woman.