His Hand in Marriage

May 23, 2011

I dreamed that my husband was in a horrible accident at work and all that was left of him was his hand.  It was alive though, like Thing from Adams Family.

He was completely obnoxious as a hand.  It had only been one day and I was sure I wouldn’t be able to handle this for long. When I cooked, he’d keep sticking his fingers in the food.  When I went shopping, he perched on my shoulder and randomly stuck his finger in my ear to make me jump.  At home, he’d jump out of no where and scare the crap out of me.

It was quickly growing old.  I was contemplating divorcing my husband but wasn’t sure if you could divorce just the hand of your spouse.

Finally the day came to an end and I tried to go to sleep.  It was hard to sleep though because my husband kept jumping around the bed and tickling me through the covers.

I wondered if stabbing a hand to death would carry the death penalty.



Green Man with Apple

August 14, 2009

Donna Fenstermaker:

See more here.

Like Mother, Like Daughter

August 14, 2009

My mom and I got matching tattoos on our backs of the date “5-17-09”.  I immediately regretted getting it, not so much because of its complete irrelevance, but because I hated the font it was written in.


I’ve Eaten Them All

May 31, 2009

I was eating spaghetti.  Something was wrong with the noodles.  They were the wrong size, too chewy and tasted bad.  Under the deep red sauce were hints of purple.  My stomach started to ache.  I couldn’t stop chewing the noodles.  They forced their way into my mouth.  I looked down and my stomach was open and bleeding.

My mom stood next to me and said, “It’s true-everything they say about you.  You have no guts.”

I said, ” I know.  It’s because I’ve eaten them all.”


Watch the whole video here.

– by LazyMuFFin on deviantArt

We should run now

March 31, 2009

We keep seeing the bodies of men strewn across the pavement with what looked like a mixture of wax and vomit on their torsos and faces. I assume they’re drunkards, who have passed out in the street, until we see a man on the top floor of a balcony kick another man’s body out of the window along with a heap of annihilated puppy guts. I am just starting to wonder if he sees us when I wake up.



I’m in college and I have to take a shower in this disgusting shower stall with a huge hole in the floor that I have to straddle. When I’m done, I realize I don’t have a towel so I have to wrap the grimy curtain around my body. Then I walk out into the hallway and eat lots of donuts that have been set out for some kind of carnival.