Love MeI dreamed that I was Danny Tanner (from “Full House,”) which is weird seeing as I’m a girl in the first place. I had to write a thank-you note to Michelle for being my daughter, but I couldn’t think of what to say, so I wrote “thank you, Michelle, for being so darn cute and brightening up my dull, depressing life!” A few nights later I dreamed I was Joey Gladstone, and my best friend dreamed that she was Jesse Catsopolis. We don’t even watch Full House all that much.



This Will Surely Kill Us

December 7, 2009

photo by cmiper

My sister’s father comes to visit us, only, he grows as a sunflower in my closet. While visiting, he likes to “fix” my stuffed animals by taking them apart, washing the material and adding new stuffing. Well on this particular visit, he decides its time to “fix” my sister and I. He doesn’t understand that this will surely kill us. When it comes time to begin the “fixing” process, he picks my sister first. With this I run to my mothers room for help, only to find a note on her bed saying she’s gone to Houston for a doctors appointment.


Hunting the Were-Gorilla

December 2, 2009

I dreamt that I was a detective, trying to catch a werewolf-gorilla.

It was hiding in the woods outside my family’s house, and my father came with my partner detective and I out in the woods to hunt for it. Before we left he took off his watch and gave it to my mother. My two younger sisters shrank to the size of kittens and hid in a basket.
We went out into the woods and though I had a shotgun, every time the were-gorilla ran at me all I could do was scream, and it would run away.

When I finally got back to the house, the gorilla had killed my family, but all I could find of them were their fingers which were lying all over the lawn.

My detective partner was Nic Cage.


My mother in law called and told me with a hollow voice that my husband had been killed.  She said I needed to come home and take care of things immediately.

I rushed home to find my husband dead in the back yard.  There was fog and frost on the ground even though it was summer.  He had a stab wound to the belly.  It looked fake like it was made of congealed ketchup. I fumbled my cell and started to dial 911 but someone called me.

I spent the next few hours talking on the phone.  People kept calling me.  I couldn’t call the police.  Person after person called.  Calmly I told each person my husband was dead and that I needed to go so I could call for help.  I tried desperately to get off the phone and call the police.

The last call was from my best friend.  I walked outside to stare at my husband while I explained to her that I felt completely lost.  I looked at the man I love and he was turning gray.  He was inhumanly still.  Some of the frosted grass that surrounded him was stuck to his forehead.  Pain flashed through me and I started to cry as I told my friend that I just didn’t know what to do anymore.  He was my world.

I fell to my knees next to his body.  I reached a hand out but yanked it back when I could feel the ice cold radiate off him.  My eyes went to his face and I wondered why it looked so calm.  Through my blurred vision I saw his eyes open and his body jerked. He seemed to be in a seizure.  His movements were strange…almost mechanical.  His dead eyes looked into mine and he asked me why I hadn’t called the damn paramedics yet. He told me the knife wound hurt like a bitch and he was going to bleed to death if I didn’t stop chatting on the phone.

I hung up on my friend and dialed for help. I tried to sooth him with my words. He didn’t look so good. I don’t know if he lived or not.  I woke up as he finished telling me his mother is the one who tired to kill him.


I Lost The Words

March 18, 2009

My family and I were on a boat. It was clear water, but a narrow river. All of a sudden, the boat tips me off on this dock. I see an old friend on the other end of the dock and I walk to her. We go to the house the dock is on the property of. It was a large and beautiful house, but when we walked in it was small and the rooms were abandoned. I felt like we were looking for something, but we never found it. We searched the house in silence, but I didn’t notice the silence until my friend spoke for the first time. I dreamt I woke up and remembered what she said when I tried to write it down, the words were gone. I was worried why I lost the words, and then I awoke.


My Father’s Other Family

November 20, 2008

I dreamt my father had another family.  I had an older brother and sister that I didn’t know anything about, and now I was staring them in the face.  I had always wanted an older brother.  A tornado came and picked up the old wooden house we were in and spun it around.  We had to work together to survive the storm, but I felt so betrayed because they had not been there for me, whatever that means.

– Anonymous

A Vacation in China

November 10, 2008

Me and my wife were vacationing in China.  I was trying to have sex with her when an evacuation siren went off.  She wanted to leave, but I convinced her to stay saying that it was such a crappy place that no one would come looking for us here.  Right then a guy and two girls (scientist maybe?) broke into our room, while I was standing there naked.  They tried to interrogate me for information, but I didn’t know what they were talking about.  They injected my wife with something, and said “You’ll never have sex with your wife again”.  My wife began to shrivel up and grow extra joints and appendages, but I still wanted to have sex with her.

The dream cuts to a scene of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles hunting down someone who turns out to be me.  After an epic battle where we run up down the sides of buildings and jump across the building tops, I get seriously injured.  In my dying breaths I tell them about my wife and they vow to find her and protect her.

-The DarkYodeler