Today, I was riding the subway when a beautiful topless girl walked into my car and sat directly in front of me. Then, the train stopped abruptly and I banged my head. The girl was gone and I realized it had all been a dream. Then I realized I was supposed to get off 17 stops ago. FML

via FML


On the Insides

April 8, 2009

Angelina Jolie presents an award naked, is then standing next to a robotic naked woman shell explaining that she had been inside it.

Inside an ice cream truck, I float up to display my dark, witchy powers. I shrink Erik’s girlfriend and cause him to vomit violently.



I’m in college and I have to take a shower in this disgusting shower stall with a huge hole in the floor that I have to straddle. When I’m done, I realize I don’t have a towel so I have to wrap the grimy curtain around my body. Then I walk out into the hallway and eat lots of donuts that have been set out for some kind of carnival.


But My Voice Is Gone

March 10, 2009

I’m in the locker room of my old school, but it’s slightly different. There is an extra office where the showers used to be and my old gym teacher is sitting there. All of a sudden I fall asleep on a bench and have dream. It was 6:00. In my dream I was racing my friend, and I had to win. When I woke up it was cold dark, and I was naked. I scrambled to find my clothes before anyone could fine me. The only light vaguely flickers and I hear whistling. I go to the door but it is locked. I try to open it but I can’t. There’s an old janitor. I try to say something, but my voice is gone.


But How Did You Know?

January 27, 2009


-Found on the Internet

Those Aren’t Your Kids

January 20, 2009

At the Reunion:

“Put your clothes back on Kyla! We know you’re not breastfeeding, and those aren’t even your kids.”


We were out for Halloween, though only my one friend had a costume, and it was a ridiculous pair of super tight shorts from the 70’s, and nothing else.  He was obsessed with not getting them dirty, so every time we came across even a minor obstacle, he would insist on stripping naked and cradling his shorts in his arms until we had passed the hazard.  After a while, we all realized that he was making this shit up, and pretty much just wanted to show everyone his junk.  Finally, we had to retrieve something for my other friend from a hole in the wall of a building, and naked boy INSISTED that he be the one to go get it.  We argued about it, but he inevitably pulled his shorts off and started digging in the wall.  I finally got pissed and picked up a handful of tiny rocks and threw them all at his taint.